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I HATE HATE HATE it when I'm in love with someone and he's in love with someone else.Why the FUCK is he talking to her on fb?Why?What the hell do they have to speak about eh?
How do I change his feelings?And how long do I have to be paying for?
It's sickening.
All right that's it I'm going to unfall for him.Is that even a verb?...
Where's my gun, seriously.I want to kill my pain.
Sad thing is that I was kinda enjoying being in love with someone available and teasing him or whatever it was what I was doing ,but it turned against me cause he's still all over her.Obviously.
What was I thinking?That he'll start falling in loveeee with me?Ergh.
I don't know.
- Mood:
rejected - Music:Anathema - Natural Disaster
I have ahead of me 10 fucking days.I've been wondering what will I do if he leaves or if I don't get to see him as much as I hoped.Or if I blow everything off.Is he so far,then?
It's nice talking to him on MSN but also kinda frustrating.Make that a lot frustrating.
Cause then he goes away,and god knows what he's thinking about me.And my paranoiac imagination runs miles.I wish we could talk forever.Or maybe that he would fall asleep in my arms.(Or I'd scream in his for that matter)
So long logic,I'll miss you.
- Mood:
nervous - Music:Heart-Shaped Glasses - Marilyn Manson
Kinda...
- Mood:
okay
Incidentally today's his birthday.
- Mood:
disappointed - Music:Turn Left - Murray Gold
'citing ....
- Mood:
hungry - Music:Turn Left - Murray Gold
(There's a nice way to start an entry)
But still,I am.How typical of me,yeah?It's the playground all over again but with the added hiding behind monitors...
Sh yeah,I'm the typical high-school lover now,waiting for uni to open so I can see him again and fall for him at face value.Pftt
Anyway,Happy New Year and that,whoever you might be,reading about my love woes.And you know what?there's plenty of them.I'm all over the place as always and I've been wondering,have I really been born to be a love-trouble maker or is it all coincidence?
Can't he be mine?I'ma pick up a gun I think, and just go ask him.
- Mood:
cold - Music:Roxette - A Thing About You
καρδούλες θα ματώσω
Για τη σκληρή της την καρδιά
αν κάνω και καμιά ζημιά,Τσιτσάνη μου
εγώ θα την πληρώσω
'Ωρες ώρες δε μ'αναγνωρίζω
- Mood:
gloomy
And if they cross paths with me ,they should not ignore me like that and make me think of them being naked at times when I should be studying.And yes,I know I used the word 'should' 5 times in a row.
Well,6 actually.
- Mood:
confused - Music:Eνα πρωινο - Hellenic Orchestra of Imperial College
blow me off,why don't you.
I FUCKING HATE BLANKING.at least say no straight off,don't have me waiting you mean motherfucker.
ergh.
i hate you.
i hate all of people and you most of all.diediediediedie.TWAT.
- Mood:
bitchy
- Mood: cold
- If we suppose there's such a thing as The type you tend to unconsciously fall for,then mine most certainly is blond/blue eyes/basket-ball player.
- I'm so vain that I use as a mirror any potential reflection device [back of CD's and window glasses,included] to check my appearance every bleeding 5 minutes.
- I like physical solitude to the point of preferring browsing on the internet alone,than actually be surrounded by friends.
- I have a serious obsession with magic and I'm half-convinced I'm a witch.Moreover,I usually say that,like out loud.
- I still have imaginary friends
- I like physics and maths but - although I won't admit it to a single person - I think philosophy would suit me better as a studying material.
- I tend to care about people I barely know,without being able to let them know.
- Sometimes when I'm around people that I love,or a place that reminds me of something forgotten,I can smell a scent,the same every time,although it's been repeatedly confirmed that it's not there - it's in my mind.
- Mood:
hopeful
maybeee?may-be?
And I love my black hair,it's gorgeous if I may say so meself.Hmmm,yeah I'm positively struggling to find the bright side of things.Everyone,give me that,mkay?
- Mood:
thoughtful
And the bastard cancelled it on me.Grr.He texted me saying he can't make it and that he'll call tomorrow to schedule again.Ye.What I've got of it;he wanted to go out and was bored to have a lesson.He'll call when and if he remembers.The one time I wanted to go there so,so much!Like why the hell did he have to be so typically an idiot?The way things turned out,I'm going to the hospital with my uncle letter on the evening.Sad,sad,emo,sad.
Will daddy be alright?Like fuck.Anyway
.
- Mood:
sad - Music:Nikolai Medtner - Reminiscenza
What’s wrong with me and comfort eating?It’s been three days in a row that my eating patterns have turned upside down and my enormous appetite has got the best out of me.I’m eating chocolate ice cream with brownies,which was preceded by a bag of crunchies,and after which,a big plate full of macaroni and sea-food is going to follow.Foul things,these consolation methods,I'm disgusted!
Called A.to fixate our lesson on Tuesday -the boy makes me smile sometimes,that he does.
"is it 5 p.m. ok for you?-yeah,it's fine,where are we going?''.lol.I really care about him.And speaking about blondes I care about,I spoke with Chris earlier.He said he was a little frustrated with Helen,cause she's giving him beef about going out with his friends without her.Typical.Relationships can be a bitch sometimes.Not that I'm in position to judge or anything...
Yesterday we went clubbing and I think it's high time I realised that nothing's going to happen with me and P. ever.One look.That's all we exchanged throughout the night.Hmm.I was talking with that bloke Nick though,same old same old.Cheeky chappy and a total drunkard.Niiice.But yeah,it was fun,I even had a guy after me,lol he was a good looking one,can't complain,I almost pulled :-D)
I feel a bit tired now.I haven't slept properly for 3 days,like.Need resting but it's sooooo hot :-(.I'm constantly sweating.
Weelll,tomorrow I should get back on the diet track,innit.
- Mood:
sleepy
I sat with him in his room for two hours just fun-wrestling and listening to his annoying dirty rap songs,lol.Anything to make him feel better.Poor thing.
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Eternity And A Day
Liv Tyler was so the best choice for the film.I find all actresses that play in thrillers [Saw, Scream etc] so cringe-worthy that they spoil the entire movie for me,but she was amazing.
I totally recommend it to nightmare seekers...
- Mood:
relaxed - Music:Amy Winehouse
- Mood:
chipper
And there's always going to be someone from your social or family circle,around your age, who's sorted and settled down with a profession,and everything working alright for them...I hate them all.Grrr.That's what stresses me the most.That I'm sooo left behind on everything that I'm never going to catch up with life.Ergh.Whatever.I will try,I said that.But it feels like my mother is never going to give me a break,until I have a stable job,I'm married with kids and completely independent.And it's important that I'm doing all these things in the immediate future,of course...For some reason,however,I can't keep pace with her expectations and insecurities.So what now?I have to face her indignation,or actually compromise with the fact that she's going to be semi-proud of me for the rest of our lives.
Well,there's only so much I can do to satisfy her putting my priorities aside.So yeah,whatever it's time I stopped stress out about how unworthy I am of living,and get over my self-loathing attitude.
- Mood:
distressed - Music:Francis Poulenc
I feel like a bloody paedophile,no joke.
- Mood:
stressed
It turns out that I'm not longer expected to give private piano lessons to this kid,he's going to a conservatory.The hell with it,I say.I don't fucking care,I bet it's they who're going to regret it.Paying all this money,for nothing.Children don't last in art if they're not teached properly.I know by experience.Oh yes,one pianist less in the world,he will not be missed.
I'm excited for my big return to uni,though.First time I get that feeling about it.It's kinda nice but naive too,yeah?Like I don't know the hell that's been expecting me since the blessed and damned moment I chose to stude physics,lol.
- Mood:
good
